i get a bit overexcited!

p.s wishing u were here..

31/7/09@11.27pm

as expected, saiful was late today. well, merely 5 mins though, so, it's forgiven. it was still dawn when we drove on the highway to cameron and the weather was fine. it was a lovely morning with the sun just up behind the horizon. it was years ago when i first came here. probably back in 2001 or 2002. the whole way going up there was just the same as i remembered. enough to make me sick. this time around, i didn't throw up. thankfully.

drove around 2 hours i guess and when we arrived at lata iskandar, it was so nice that nobody was actually there! i think it was around 8.30am. the timing was just nice for a photoshoot. no one interfered in the picture. that's important so that we can pose with whatever style we want! :p

then we continued to drive until we found the tea plantation. the view was nice from up there and it was breezy at the same time. not so much sun though and it's perfect. the sky was quite dark and i thought at first it was about to rain. fortunately, it was not. have drank some tea and took dozen of pictures. again!

we drove again until finally we reached the peak. it's where hotel equatorial is located. it was so windy and cold. went to the market there that selling veges, fruits & flowers. i bought myself strawberries :p and as for saiful, he bought plenty of things. after spending some time there, went down to tanah rata to just chilled out. at starbucks! the thing i noticed the most around here is that the name of the places/hotels. mostly it was named is spanish! there was this casa de la rosa, mount vernon, etc. and the architecture of the building was english style. it's a wow, for me.!

but still.................. :(

i've been spending again. i have swore to never spend unnecessarily, but i broke it. i can't control it! and today, the salesgirl make me buy a set of crabtree & evelyn, for $500! and guess what, i'm not really in love with it! i guess i should do something about my spending habit. sigh~

i wasn't supposed to go to the mall either. i should blame this on jacko. he's the one that persuaded me to come. i agreed firstly because we just wanted to go to lowyat to window shop on his iphone. but because they doesn't have stock there, we then went to MV. that's where i can't control myself.

after having some splurge, i went back and completed my evening with twilight. i was surprised! it's basically one hell of a romantic book which i hate so much, but i love reading it. almost finished. there was so much quotations that i think are so sweet. i'm not a fan of romantic tales, but for this, i crossed my finger! so here, i list my favorite quotations from the book;

1. "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...," He murmured. "What a stupid lamb, " I sighed. "What a sick, masochistic lion." 
   
2. "If I could dream at all it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it." 
   
3. "'Do I dazzle you?' 'Frequently.'" 
   
4. "I'm here . . . which roughly translated means I would rather die than stay away from you. I'm an idiot." 
   
5. "So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" "You're exactly my brand of heroin." 
   
6. "Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving?" 
   
7. "I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." 
   
8. "As long as I knew I was going to hell, I decided to do it thoroughly. - Edward Cullen" 
   
9. "You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt to lose." 
   
10. "I can't live in a world where you don't exist. - Bella Swan" 
    
11. "He called you pretty. That's practically an insult the way you look tonight, you're much more than beautiful." 
    

i can carry on forever if you like.. :p

planned to go to cameron tomorrow with saiful. to took some photos :p. photography outing. he asked to go at 6am! crazy. he's not good at keeping promises. well, we'll see this time around. will resume work on saturday.

~ waiting for my archangel to sing me lullaby ~

i fell asleep until 20.30 today, and i can't sleep anymore. the time now is 24.38. i shouldn't have slept that long. well, it's time to write nonsense. i'm going to tell something about myself :)

ok, my name is nurul azra. it was my name since i was 2 years old. before that, i was born as monalisa, named after the ever famous painting in the world.  i could have been called mona or lisa for short :p. i would love it to stay that way, but unfortunately, my brother, who happened to work at jpn (jabatan pendaftaran negara) changed my name to nurul azra when i was 2. the reason, he said monalisa was basically a hooker. well, that's a rumor. and she's a first class hooker! it would have been an honor to carry her name!

and she would have been so proud having me as the heir of her name. hehe. (p.s - i hate portraiture as above. it was scary to stare at it. as if the photo is alive. and there's something about that painting that gives me goosebumps.)  

not that i hate my name now. i just that i'm not really fond of it. azra was okay i guess, as it's rare. as of nurul, it's too common. and i hate commonness. i love something which is rare and unique. one of my late sister, which i never met, was named as luna. i loved it! and i think it's a very beautiful name.

people says, name defines who we are. and in my religion, having a name which have a some kind of meaning behind it is basically a must. by name, it was said that you'll have that some kind of special place. it's very important to name a child with a good name. that's what people say. but, how can people be treated because of their name? it's awful. it wasn't their own choice to be named the way they are. blame it on the parent.

although i love unique name, but not too unique. as micheal jackson's son. he was named as prince blanket!! that is crazy. blanket!! there was also people who named their child as flight inspector! omg! if i'm being that child, i would file for a change of name when i get older. it's real embarrassment!    

"boredomness" creeping up our spine

finally, the graveyard has come to an end. the last night was the hardest because it'll the sleepiest of the most. can't no longer hold on. luckily for me, i have enough sleep yesterday to carry on. unfortunately for ida, she did fell asleep for about 2 hours. luckily, there wasn't any call coming in. watched 2 movies in a row then leave my itunes on until the end of shift. the thing i hate the most is when i want to pee. the toilet is damn SCARY! and there's a lot of stories going on about that place. none was good. everything else is fine. 

back to the sad story which ida told me about. it was about her friend who have just lost her boyfriend. lost mean gone, passed away. killed in a traffic accident. just imagine how she'd felt. 

the thing is, that accident on the first place, can be avoided. the girlfriend and the boyfriend was just about to get on their motorbike when 2 motorist came and robbed her from behind. she resisted first and was pulled back until she fell. the mobsters then ran away. by seeing that, the boyfriend start the bike and ran chasing them, leaving the the girlfriend behind. 

then, the major accident, the boyfriend was then hit by a car and killed on the spot. but the mobsters ran away. 

the girlfriend and the boyfriend has been together for six years! and lived together but never married. just imagine how it feel when in just a split of second, someone you loved so dearly, gone. it would ripped her apart, definitely. 

this is my cuzen's mother. she was here since yesterday for her treatment in KL hospital. a few months back, she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and she need to undergo a surgery on her neck. that was months ago. back then, she was so fragile and i couldn't think she would make it last until today. but, she did! seeing her, i think a lot about my own mother who passed away due to stroke. i hate it and it make me sad. to make matter worse, she cannot be touch without using glove!

enough about that. 

i forgot to tell that i am currently in the midst of applying a loan from A bank. the application itself wasn't really hard to do. i just need to produce my 3 mths payslip and bank statement that shows the pay coming in every months. no really a big deal until i liaise with bank B, which is my employer, to get the statement. it was hell.

you see, my bank account comes with a passbook, therefore, no monthly statement. firstly, i thought that photocopy of the book with ctc (certified true copy) from brh manager is enough. but nope, hell no. the thing is, i haven't updated my passbook for quite some time, so, the transaction has been all in lump sum amount and to have the statement, you need to request for CSL (consolidated statement), if you know what i mean. but, i did not. on the day that i submitted everything, bank A said, i still need to provide the statement they need. sigh~

i tried to sign in to my internet banking from bank A's branch, but to no success, as always, the error was "java applet not initialized", which was common for bank B and it sucks. i was asked to print it on my own and get someone like a branch manager / line manager / HR manager to ctc the statement. i did tried all those, but to make matter worse, i still couldn't get one. all said they couldn't ctc it. in the process, i have gone up & down, either to menara, to damansara and our hr dept. i called the contact centre as well, but all cannot provide me with the solution! i hate bank B. if i'm not a staff, i would have make noise already. aiiii.

then today, after my graveyard shift, i went again to bank A with my laptop and login in to my INB inside the bank, only then the bank A's manager can ctc the statement. luckily, they accepted it. i hate bank B now, for i went through hell just to get a simple statement. and hopefully, my application will be successful. 

i'm on graveyard today. graveyard means a midnight shifter, starting at 12am until 8.45am. this is the 3rd time in 1 and 1/2 years i did graveyard. how should i describe it? tiring? it is indeed! 

this week, i got to do it with ida. she's nice. 1 night passed, and 2 to go. we talked the whole night and if we don't talked, we played games, or i read my new book, twilight. i told her about mr H. about the gossip that swirling around and to my surprise, she didn't know! then, i need to tell her from a to z. and she told me about her family and her friend. it was a sad story and i'm too tired now to tell.

what i want to tell is that about when, on my way back home just now, i came across a sight to behold. it was splendidly beautiful. and i couldn't help myself to stop taking the pictures all the way back. all this was took using my hp camera. wished i brought my dslr *sigh*. there were twice i have to stop just to stare at it as it was so beautiful. things like this makes me thinking about God and about the love He gave. Enjoyce!

amazing grace

now.. now, i need to get some sleep

let me sleep, let me sleep.

let me dream the dream.

for i rarely dream about you.

so let me sleep.

for in the dream i meet you.

for in the dream i kiss you.

for in the dream..

i finally found you. 

so let me sleep, let me sleep.

be it a second, be it an eternity. 

so that i can be with you.

let me sleep.

and that guy said to me..."i'm sorry. but, I am", with a smirk smile on his face. i smiled back and said "thank you". big grin ^____^

went out with jack & eddie, again. i "accidentally" bought 4 new books! sigh~ i am not supposed to buy anything! i bought twilight by stephenie meyer, brida by paulo coelho, the time traveler's wife by audrey niffenegger and a thousand splendid suns by khaled hosseini. god, i'm broke! and i'll be traveling to sabah this coming 9th august! and, what's more, i have still a lot on my shelf that i haven't read! aiiii...

then, watch pelham 123 with jack, eddie went to watch ice age. the thing about watching movies at theaters that i really don't like;

• someone beside me bring food and that food smell like hell.
• when people came late and it's really annoying even more when the movie has already started.
• someone's phone rang
• a group of people discussing the movie when it's playing!

stupidosss.  

as i strolled down the pavement at pbd (pusat bandar damansara), i walked past a guy with red t-shirt and a big words written on if. and the words are;

what if...

as if some kind of magical power tries to communicate to me. i know... it's not possible. and it's kind of crazy thing to imagine. well, the thing is, this words came crossing at me and makes me started to think of all those "what if"s that, i believe, all of us thought of, if things have had happened the other way round. you know, things like if we took that road instead of this or things that we supposed to say, but left unsaid. and yes, it is a sad words to say. what if...

people says or maybe some quotes "instead of just saying it, why didn't we just do it? that way, we will know what would happen". it's easy to say, but it's kind of complicated. duh.. there's choices to be made in life. we can't just do two things once. says, if someone would have asked you to marry him, you need to choose between saying "yes" or "no". if you say "yes" maybe you will end up happily ever after or maybe being a divorcee a few years from now and you need to seek sympathy from those around you just to feed your child. but if you say "no", maybe you'll end up "not married" and stay single for the rest of your life and all alone. scary huh? indeed.

if you asked me what's my "what if"s are, it'll be plenty. i do not know whether i regretted making those choices or just simply wondering if all was done differently. my list of "what if"s.............

1. what if i chosen the islamic school instead? would i have been a better person than my own self today? probably now i am some kind of do-gooder to spread the word of religion... ehmmm??? 
   
2. what if i stayed at that school? we should have been an item. me with that cute guy have some kind of 2 mths relationship, until i left. and probably, if i haven't left, i have been married to him already and being a mother to all his children.
3. what if i took accountancy or hotel management instead of taking engineering? i would've been a great hotel manager :p that would've been nice.
4. what if i turn down the offer for my first job? and not hanging on it for too long, i would have been working with some other firm which is better and more professional. 
5. what if i just treat them nicely, without ignorance? i would have been having friends instead of enemies. 
6. and what if........................

and the list goes on. but my biggest WHAT IF is......

WHAT IF I TELL HIM THAT I LOVE HIM?

i found one quotation that really nice.

“Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to die anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.” 

- Anthony Robbins

nice huh??!! :)

i get a bit emotional this couple of days. don't blame it on me. blame it on the hormon! at time like this, i have a place i can call my private getaway. it's where you would want to go if you're in your emo mode. i did.

broga hill

this is my favorite. although you need to hike a bit to the peak. no need for a complete hiking gear. i did it with only my flip-flop and one bottle of water. it's a big exhausting but if you have a tip-top stamina unlike mine, 1/2 hour you should have reach the peak. when i came here a couple of months ago, it was way too late for a hiking. my cuzs and i went there around 6.30pm, everyone else was heading down. we arrived at the peak around 7.30pm. which is perfect for a sunset. it was beautiful and very very peaceful. it's actually just like a scene from sound of music, a little prairie, but of course with lesser panoramic view than that.



but the downturn. pleaseee do not come here on weekends. it would be swamped with people. better would be weekdays at sunset. the location: semenyih then heads to broga. you would pass notting (something) college, and look for a rabbit farm. just apposite that farm is the path to start your climb.

ampang hill

this place is also nice. but only at night. it's where you can see the whole KL. the same with my previous post but minus the restaurant. before the restaurant, there's actually a place you can stop and just enjoy the view. there will be a few stall where you can actually buy some junk foods :p it's like a picnic really. without the grass and mat. the location: bukit ampang. the way would be different if you're coming from cheras or ampang. too complicated for me to write. just google look out point.




gabai waterfall

i really don't know how to describe this place. it's complicated. besides, we i went there, i'm not the one who's driving. well, just enjoy the photos below :p

so, when you get a bit of emo, don't be afraid to come to these places. :p it's a little heaven on earth.

i couldn't sleep. again. and it's 3.18am. if u see there's a few posts in a day, that means i can't sleep. it has no cure really. i tried hot choc, milk, counting lambs, you name it. except pills, i don't believe in sleeping pill. i know it'll help, but i just doesn't like the idea of taking drugs.

warning: do not read. it's a crap!

Dedicated to the one who has no ear to hear nor eyes to see.

i would like to tell a story, a story never told nor spoken of. as it's kind of a taboo, for me. for it's showing my inner emotion, which i dare not do. it happened years ago, yet unforgotten. on one sunny day, there was this boy came knocking the door (it was door bell actually, just making it's more dramatic). i first thought he was a salesman, and i kind of ignored & rude to him. then, he said he wants to meet my boss. he knew the name, so what the heck, i asked him in. he was so cute back then, and good looking is what i'm looking for. the first thing on my list has been checked. it just a bit of crush at first sight :p

then, we became friend yet remains stranger at the same time. i do have a crush on him. i have a lot of crushes, yes, but i couldn't fall head over heel kind of thing. sometimes, we have our own little secret, it's like there was a tiny world for us. there was some kind of similarities and differences which makes him more attractive, yet there's something about him that i couldn't figured out. you see, i have this ability to guess people's mind by intuition. most of the times, i was right. but yet, although i sense something wrong, i mostly trust that person until my intuition proved to be right. with him, mysterious it's remains. for me, to like someone is to find the most attractive thing about that person and to hate someone, you need to find the least interesting about him. it came to a certain point, until i have no reason to like him nor hate him. which, it struck me.

supposedly, i would have known him way back from the first time i met him. way back at the uni. i knew a person who knew him and know some story about him although i never met him. just some story people tells about someone thingy. my friends have met him. i guess only me did not or did we? i don't know. we probably have crossed path but never noticed.

eventually, we both left and lost contact. i do missed him, but then, by times, he disappeared from my mind but never forgotten. i have new crushes and found new people. well, just simply started a new life.

but one day, he appeared. there was a message from him in my im. we chatted and followed by we met up. he was being more complicated than before. there was times when he treats me so nice that i thought he has a "thing" for me. but there was times when he completely ignores me.  

the last time i met him, i sleep over. don't get me wrong. nothing happened. we did sleep side by side. it was intended. i wanted to see how he reacted. he was all that i thought of. a perfect gentlemen. and that, makes me fall for him. but since then, i haven't meet him nor spoken to him. tried to contact him, a total disappointment. besides, he would ignore me.

like a good love story, it won't have a perfect ending. like romeo & juliet, both died in the end. what a complete idiots. well, mine was an unspoken one. now, it was time to let go. it was so hard as i really liked him. and it wasn't easy for me to fall in love.  

until now, he's the reason of my sleepless night.    

i'm sooo into poem right now. i guess it soothes me. and there's something in it that somehow, i feels like it comes from me. things i want to express but have no word for. i want to say it out loud, onto the face. well, not exactly mean it that way for i'm hard to forget nor forgive. again, by pablo neruda...

"Well, now 
If little by little you stop loving me 
I shall stop loving you 
Little by little 
If suddenly you forget me 
Do not look for me 
For I shall already have forgotten you 

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life 
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots 

Remember 
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms 
And my roots will set off to seek another land 

— Pablo Neruda 

all my plan crashed. i thought my UL would have been approved, but it was not. i was given a half day instead. i have thought of getting myself pampered. doing some shopping as salary has just got in and hanging out with, well, anyone who's available. 

i know i'm not a good liar, but i guess i'm not good at all. i don't know how to lie as i'm nice by nature. *sigh*. i don't know how everyone else do it. you know.. cheat, lie, steal & stuff. i don't even have the courage to say it. why la..~

the thing is, i'm thinking of telling this lie about my car breakdown, just because i don't want to come to work. my actual excuse is flat tyre. in the hope that "the management" will let me on UL. the event was an actual event, but occurred yesterday. i made it sound today. i called up and said stuffs like, waiting for my cuz, need to change to spare tyre, went to workshop & etc. btw, it was all true! 

but then, i was asked to come half day! they said, flat tyre doesn't need long time to fix! i said i try my best. and after watching some twilight movie (i don't get it people really into this movie, i think it's crap). then, i went to workshop to buy new tyre (as i was on spare). that was around 12pm. they asked me to come at 1pm. my thought was to inform then i couldn't make it at 1. but, i was ask to come maybe at 2. then, i have no more excuses.

because of this, i dare not tell anyone the truth. i ended up telling lies to all those i knew. i shouldn't have told lies. in the end, i'm the one who'll ended up numb!    

saiful & me planned to hike bukit tabur at sunrise. called him up at 5am as promised to wake him. then, i continued my sleep as he said to come around 6am.  when i woke up again, it was almost 10am! i was curious but, what the heck, maybe he forgot and fell asleep. that would be nice. me myself has no mood to do hiking. but because i have promised. around 11 something, he called and we proceed with the plan.

on our way, rain started pouring. but still we continued with the hope the rain would stop. but when we reached there, the rain pouring heavily. plan cancelled. 

went to mid v to watch harry potter. on the way there, i noticed my steering keep on vibrating and i keep on complaining about it. but, we just ignored it. once we parked inside, the front tyre was totally flat!! 

i said, what the heck. we just ignored it first and went inside the mall. had our lunch and movie. people said the movie was awful, but for me, it wasn't. really! if you read the book, you would know. thereafter, it was hard work.

luckily for me, saiful was there to help. he changed the tyre with the substitute but alas, it was also flat. forcefully, i drove until we found the gas station. then, we went to kajang to have satay. on the way back, we went to bukit ampang for a drink. i think i'm going for a UL tomorrow. :p

i have this one poem that i love so much. it's excerpt from 100 love sonnets (Cien Sonetos De Amor) by Pablo Neruda. if there's one guy who quoted this poem to me, i would definitely melt away. it's considered among the best love poem and i would love to share it with you...... here it goes....

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, 

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. 

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, 

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms 

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; 

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, 

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. 

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride 

so I love you because I know no other way than this 

Where “I” does not exist, nor “You”, 

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, 

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

sound familiar? it was used in the movie "Patch Adam". 

feeling a bit bitchy ~

so true~

2.55am. just back from a late dinner with ritz. as usual, ordered my fav meal. tomyam + telur dadar + nasi putih + teh o ais limau. i can't stop eating today. everything seem so damn delicious!

i have a very bad day for almost 2 days in a row. life seem to be distant and doesn't want to cooperate. i have hell lots of escalations. i couldn't concentrate. and stupid sporean seem to get on my nerve. mostly, i wouldn't take it to the heart, but these days, they seem to be getting more stupider than ever. and being a customer service, i couldn't help but hating them. sorry, but try to be in my shoe for a day, then you'll know.

to make matter worse, even the traffic light change to red, whenever i want to pass by, pushing me to stop. i hate my days.

i can't believe that i'm broken inside.

conversation between me and my imaginary friend. it get a bit of jiwa2. don't ask, don't tell. just read.

what makes you awake at night?

- someone.

who is it?

- a friend, i guess.

why?

- he broke my heart. twice!

do you like him?

- like?.. i love him to be exact.

did he know?

- nope, and never will.

why didn't you tell him?

- it's complicated. and i don't want him to know. it's too embarrassing. 

does he has a gf?

- i guess so. and that gf is someone i know. not well enough, but i do know her.

why guessing?

- because he never tell me about her. ever! maybe because i never ask.

how do you know him?

- from somewhere. 

you said he broke your heart twice. how?

- well, i like him before, then he left. then he was back again, then he left. it makes it twice.

do you think he like you?

- seriously, i don't know. he come and go as he pleased. sometimes he's too damn nice, at times, he's cold.

did you try to tell him?

- i can't. i don't have the courage. he's too good for me. 

where is he now?

- i don't know. somewhere. as i said. he'll come as he pleased and will eventually go, lost in the crowd.

did you try to contact him?

- i did. and i felt dumped. i won't try again.

why?

- something happened when we last met.

what?

i won't tell. it's something that might differ his perspective on me.

how?

- let just leave it that way. it's not really my fault. it's his!

are you still on hope?

- *sigh*. it's hard for me to fall for someone else.

 

sound like he's not worth it. 

- i know. but i couldn't help it. he's the best among the rest.

~ confession of an egoistic queen ~